The lowest of the low, how your feeling right now.

If your reading this, it’s specifically designed for you. These words have been bought into this digital space for you and you only.  You’re at a low point, the world doesn’t seem to make sense anymore, shadows and the darkness is consuming you. It’s okay. Just know that right here and right now is okay. Just breathe the deepest breath you’ve ever taken, do it now. Whilst your breathing deep realise that this moment in time you are you, the pain and misery you feel is just a manifestation of experiences and possible bad choices. It doesn’t matter any more, the darkness is not here. In this moment you’re you, the most important person in your universe right now. Breathe deep again and push out all the badness all the evil that’s clogged up your mind is gone for this moment in time. You feel on your own right now, but I’m writing the words to you, for you to read, I’m here so you will never be alone again. Together we are strong and you’ll never be alone again.

Please feel free to comment and contact, stay safe and peace x

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Online dating, sink or swim?

I’m staring blankly at my online dating profile, paused in a moment in time. Looking down the barrel of pixilated orgy of vanity and desperation…That’s certainly one way of looking at it. On the other side of the mind ocean my thoughts take to a place which was once full of hope, dreams and love. Searching for an island in a sea of shit, every now and again you dodge a turd and find a treasure chest.

Here’s the thing with online dating and thoughts many or few of us might have had. Being born just before the turn of the century I witnessed the dawn of an age of depersonalisation. Online dating is the equivalent of a human love cattle market. We cram our lives into a text box hoping we can connect with our life partner…or your just there to fuck.. We have this wonderful outlet to meet and connect with real humans, a place where there is so much variety and spontaneous possibility, but how can we make this connection when what it boils down to is a fast food restaurant that only serves judgement? I know people who have met there one and online in these places, I envy them, I truly do. I once thought I met that someone or at the very least I thought I did. This all sounds jaded and from the shadows and to a certain point it Is, but when I log in for the swiping ride of my life all I see is the same selfie over and over again, all I see is the same sentences over and over again. The  thoughts that lingers in my mind as I’m swimming through the single sea  is “if I’m talking to you, how many others are you talking to? Do I now have to battle with conversational wit to win your affection?… Fuck you!”

How can we truly make real relationships with people when our intentions are purely based on vanity? No ones reading your bio! If part of your daily life involves logging onto online dating platforms at least part of you is searching for something, be it meaning or lust. When do you decide this is the one person who wins? How can one person truly ever meet your needs and affections when there’s someone edging you behind the scenes with a well placed text message? How do we see through the meaning of good intentions and the cloak and dagger of rejection? For me I see it like this. When I meet a person in real life, who I’m affectionate about I can make an informed decision on them from body language, appearance and demeanour, personality, it’s a judgement but it’s based in the real world and sincere. When I’m logged in I’m making that judgement on based on a picture and however arsed the other side has been to write something. One is real the other is fabricated. I stare blankly at my online dating profile, I’m paused in a moment of time, I snap back to reality and start swimming or am I sinking? Who knows.

If your’e reading this and take something from it I hope it finds you well. Maybe we’re not alone.

Kind Regards

Tom